Posted on 2013.04.21 at 21:18
I came from a broken home,
and it was filled with broken things,
glasses shattered when thrown
when my father slammed them against the wall.
Even though we still had dinner together,
drinking from plastic cups
because glass breaks
and plastic didn't
things weren't like a regular family.
Or perhaps they were,
Maybe what we define as regular is actually irregular.
By the time I was four my family fell apart.
My parents going opposite ways,
my mother subdued by silence
when the yelling finally stopped
and he didn't come back
so we left.( read moreCollapse )
Posted on 2012.09.29 at 19:59
brick and wood,
is transformed before my eyes
as the days pass and seasons change
and I am remade.( About the form PenseeCollapse )
Posted on 2011.10.29 at 02:33
Music: Rosin the Beau
I'm not sure whether anyone watches my account close enough that you get updates each time I upload userpics, but if you do I apologize. It seems like I there are a few staple icons that I stick with and then a number of them that I continuous change and swap out for one another based on certain moods and interests that come and go. Which I suppose wouldn't be so bad if every time I change even a single userpic I feel the need to delete them all and upload them again in some certain order.
Lately though everything that I've done has been about re-arranging and changing. In fact I've been tempted several times to create a new journal to combine the two that I currently have, also if it weren't $15 I would have most likely simply renamed this one and then just go in and cross posts. My apartment has been cleaned and re-arranged almost weekly for the last two months, my classroom has been switched around everything organized and cleaned each afternoon.I've went so far as to clean and organize other's rooms as well, just to feel like I have something to do and that I can see that something is getting accomplished. Which is quite funny since the only time I've been able to take are in situations that are somewhat chaotic, otherwise I'm usually laid back and let things work themselves out.
But moving on. . . For all that I like with the new apartment, the fact that there is an actual living room rather than walkway when you come in, the decent sized bedroom and storage, there is one thing that I don't particularly care for; the kitchen. Compared to other apartments that I've had the kitchen itself seems small and closed off, the others were all a dine in kitchen so there was a little more room to manuver and move around in. However currently there is really only room for a single person, I'm also not fond of the washer and dryer being located in the kitchen. But considering all the improvements over the last apartment and the fact that it is $200 cheaper per month, I think I can put up with a tiny kitchen.
And in case you haven't been able to tell by the fact that I'm writing about this at 1:53 a.m. on a Friday/Saturday night, no my social life has not improved much since when I first moved to Hinesville. And I'm bored, and don't want to read at the moment, or RP. I can't say that I'm broke, but given the soon to be coming expenses I don't exactly have money to spend either; leaving me with very limited options since the closest place with anything to do is Savannah. Which currently has been over run since it is almost Halloween and it's 'one of the most haunted cities'. Even when I was there the weekend before last for my test parking was scarce and the prices of the lots available have almost doubled from their usual prices, though were a few prizes that I found in driving around afterwards; namely a wonderful thing called Bailey's Irish Cream with Caramel.
It has been wonderful with a few things that I've concocted, and is ever amazing to watch the reactions as blending things; especially when done just right as to cause the caramel between the two to precipitate which while having the sweetness of caramel also has the slight whiskey hint to as well when they dissolve in your mouth.
Here's to hoping that you all have a wonderful Samhain, Halloween, All Saints Day, and that you spend it in pleasurable company.
Posted on 2011.08.15 at 01:42
There is something soothing about sitting down and writing something out in long hand. Being able to watch the pen-stroke place my thoughts on the page, not having to switch to some hybrid because cursive is no longer in the required curriculum, and not actually watching things take shape unlike now when I type. But also in having the time to do it since I write rather slow and try to pay mind to each letter and word; more so than when i type since a pristine letter looks so much better than one with numerous stricken errors, and unlike typing it can't simply be deleted. I've actually come to miss it since it is a rare occasion for me to have a reason for it. Then again I could always find excuses for bringing a pen to paper, perhaps write more letters to friends since we have all went out separate ways. There is also the possibility of keeping a proper journal which I have said I would do time and again.
Finally there is always the chance of going back to writing out my poetry in a notebook or in the margins of notes like I did throughout college. I miss writing it (my poetry) but at the same time i'm not really sure what write about any more when it comes to that. I enjoyed writing about nature and the rain because I spent so much time camping and connected to it. There were places that I knew and could go for walks; parks, trails, lakes and rock cliffs that were more inviting than anything that I know of now. I actually haven't been back to the lake since i graduated from West Georgia, or been camping since I started teaching over a year and half ago. Though there were times i felt lonely then, which has been a reoccurring feeling all too much recently, when I came home from those walks or from camping it wasn't as strong. There was something about the trees and water that made me feel more at home or welcome. Which considering that I've already used several pieces of paper writing this and several other things, seems ever so slightly hypocritical. As for the rest of my poems that stemmed from something else, most likely the relationships that I don't really have anymore. but to be honest, looking back I can't really say; the only constant in them back then was that I knew Pamela would read them and most likely write her own. Knowing someone would read it made a difference. Now though, despite the last twenty-five or so of my poems garnering no audience, I still find that I miss it.
Perhaps it's the chance for reflection that connects the things that I've written about so far, or have been missing the opportunity to do lately. After all each of them require time and are usually periods without rushing or deadlines; none of them require looking down the road to five months or a year from now and weighting options and consequences. Then again it may just be that all of them have a slower pace and I can be a bit more lethargic while enjoying them.
During the week, when I'm teaching, it seems that everything is constantly going and changing; it a race from one thing to the next. A group of thirty-four students to two groups of thirty-five, from lesson plans and copies to grading 104 papers and preparing for a government issued exam. Throw in keeping a clean apartment, preparing for the GRE I have to retake, and researching graduate programs while also filling out the applications, and it's no wonder why the week makes it unlikely for me to read through the collections of mythology, theology, and other stories that are all queued up.Still even with so much more to do with the larger classes and stricter standards this school year has started much smoother than the last two. enough so that I am starting to wonder if it might turn back around; though I doubt it will run any less contrary to my personality with the way students have changed since I was in school. I'm reminded of that each time a student causes me to wonder if manners and respect are endangered ideas. Much like chivalry or writing out long strings of though on paper at one in the morning, like old fashioned letters that you mail or using cell phones to call someone rather text or tweet them instead. Then again it has reached a point where we were reminded that "We don't teach respect, discipline, courtesy, and accountability. We don't have an approved curriculum for it and it is nto in the government's standard testing." when a teacher was written up for spending 'unnecessary' time teaching these to students and not using the time provided for 'proper instruction'. I've received my own warning when pausing several times to redirect student behavior, though nothing formal has come from it.
There's more that I want to write about, but seeing as how there's only a few hours before the sun rises and only one or so after that before it's back to the rush of the week, I suppose this is where I'll stop for now. Maybe I'll take a chance to finish the thoughts tomorrow before they fade entirely. See if we can fill another three sheets before typing it up and posting it at some late hour. Or maybe this will be the last post here for a while and I'll go back to writing in my other two.
Posted on 2011.07.21 at 03:08
I've been writing letters recently. The last few days I've written five letters to be sent out tomorrow or Friday, depending on which day I get to the post office, one for each address that I have from finally unpacking the last of the boxes from moving and finding all the letters that I've recieved in the last few years; which came to a whopping 13 things. Though for those who haven't yet, please do go back to the little black book entry
where I asked for contact info that I lost. Some of your numbers and information I was able to save from past phone bills but not everyones. ^^; Tomorrow will most likely involve finally hanging the artwork around the apartment and getting rid of the last of the 'give aways' including another two bags of clothes and old computer desk.
But for the point of this entry at the ungodly hour of 3:03 in the morning. Since everyone seems to need a break and since I want to break from writing, despite having two or three poems still in the revision process, and feel like taking a day off from RP I've decided to do something I haven't with this journal. So let's make a game of it, ask me anything. Rather ask me everything~
Consider this an opportunity to ask anything and everything you can think of, all questions will receive a response. Or if you can't think of anything to ask, just say something or spam me. Have an icon to share, I'd love to see it~ Wonderful idea for a poem? I'm all ears. Funny story? Share away! Need to get something off your chest, go right ahead. Have no clue who I am? Consider this an invitation. Though it is going to remain open for now until someone requests it to be locked to friends only.
Hopefully between this and redoing everything else with the journal and getting ready for classes I'll have enough to stay busy. After all I still don't have television and the cable for the ps2 (which acts as my dvd player) is currently MIA.
Posted on 2011.05.24 at 22:14
Funny thing when you don't back up your contact information and get a replacement phone, you lose it all.
So I need numbers, e-mails, anything and everything you want to give me to get in contact. So that eventually once I know where I'm moving I'll be able to stay in touch and get you the new address as well as call and talk, text and generally hopefully keep in touch with someone.
Also I debating about another proper entry at some point, but with it being the final week things are rather hectic and honestly it would be purly venting about the latest albatross hung around my neck if I were to write it now. So hopefully when I do get around to writing one it will be about the new place and maybe with pics or something.
No worries, I'm screening comments so no one else will be able to see info shared. Also . . . I'm trying to be better about it so Birthdays would be wonderful too. . . along with any other special dates, occasions or notes I should know that I have somehow seem to have forgotten in my absence mindedness lately.